binaries | contact. [zodion]

Yes Although I really That is, it was strange I was not planning to do anything like that The weapon I used appeared suddenly And it felt as though someone else was moving my body But yes.

so that was when
you were taken control of? back then?

you must have been terrified

No I mean Kind of. I think I had already been under their influence before that. I didnt notice at the time but my way of thinking about things had changed somewhat ... And after that I had become completely loyal to the Rasalhague. But I did not feel as though my actions were being controlled. I believed they were trying to save us ... I knew I was different but I thought it was because the Twelve had brainwashed me before. I thought they had brainwashed everyone. So it was only during that moment that I felt " possessed. " I was scared. But I thought I had done the right thing.

so it was subliminal perhaps
sorry i am trying to understand the mechanics of this

to tell the truth i sometimes think the twelve have brainwashed everyone too. it's hard to decide to who trust in this type of matter.

That's ok! I guess It's kind of nice that you' re not making a big deal out of it Even though it actually is a really big deal So maybe that's not good after all. I dont know. But I appreciate it. Anyway I'm not really sure what I should do.

i think the fact of the matter is
i know that you are a good person
so there must be an underlying explanation

do not get me wrong
i am concerned however
this is nowhere near the first situation of this nature i have been subjected to, you see.
i can understand how these things

how accidents can happen like this
i

i am more concerned for you
and your state of well being
having been through that sort of thing

Oh Im really ok I mean my state of well being is definitely fine How is yours?

i feel as if that would have been traumatic
please do not count that out
when considering your well being

since i don't personally think you are the type
to do something like that without a good reason
or without outside influence

i spent most of the time when things were most stressful here in the clinic so
i can't say i experienced any hardship aside from an increase in working hours

i am just as fine as ever.

No Thank you I mean it is very kind of you But I am definitely completely ok. Besides even if I werent I'm not really what's important here. I'm not the one who was killed or betrayed. Or tortured. or anything.

yamada

do you mean to say that
you do not see yourself as a victim

I dont know. But Either way. I wasn't killed. Or tortured. Or anything. I made a lot of things worse for a lot of people. Not because I was possessed but because of who I am.

because of who you are?
i don't think i understand
i'm sorry

Because If I had acted the way the others did who were possessed, people would have known something was wrong right away and then stopped me right away. But I was a coward. I kept it a secret. Even though I was really on their side, I only did dishonest things. Everyone else fought bravely for what they believed was right, even if their thinking had been twisted ... I couldnt even do that . If I had just been honest or had any integrity (even if it was for the wrong side) things would have ended up better. for a lot of people.

maybe it isn't my place to say
but i believe you are being too hard on yourself

and to hold onto regret only keeps time from passing properly
if you can't go back and change it

But it's not like I deserve to just be able to let it go and keep on living happily like nothing ever happened

sometimes the regret is more damaging i think

at any rate
i most likely feel so strongly about this
because i find you to be an exceptionally good person

so i don't wish for you to feel this way
perhaps that's selfish of me

but i think others would agree

But I There also must be many others who do want me to. And I dont know what to do. What would you do?

what i have done, is

i have held onto my regret
kept it close
it's very painful

i do not recommend it
not for anyone

I didnt know that I'm really sorry for making everything about my problems. Do you want me to leave you alone right now ?

not at all
this is about you

i just wanted to answer your question honestly
i don't need to be left alone or anything of that sort

you put everyone before yourself
don't you?

Not really ... Thank you I need to think a little bit maybe I dont know

take your time

contact. [zodion]

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